Alan Arkin, Martin Balsam, Richard Benjamin, Art Garfunkel, Jack Gifford, Anthony Perkins, Jon Voight, Orson Welles, Bob Newhart, Charles Grodin, Martin Sheen, Olimpia Carlisi, Susanne Benton, Marcel Dalio / From the Novel by Joseph Heller / Screenplay Buck Henry / Art Direction Harold Michelson / Editor Sam O’Steen / Cinematography David Watkin / Producers John Calley & David Ransohoff / Director Mike Nichols
-Let me see if I got this straight. In order to be grounded, I’ve got to be crazy, and I must be crazy to keep flying. But, if I ask to be grounded.. that means I’m not crazy any more and I have to keep flying.
-You’ve got it! That’s Catch-22.
-That’s some Catch, that Catch-22.
– It’s the best there is!
LT.MINDERBENDER – We’re gonna come out of this war rich!YOSSARIAN – You’re gonna come out of this war rich. We’re gonna come out dead.
GENERAL DREEDLE – I said take him out and shoot him. Take Major Danby out and shoot him!
I think you’d better wait a minute, Dad. I don’t think you can shoot him.
GENERAL DREEDLE – Why the hell can’t I? Why not? You mean I can’t shoot whoever I want to? Is that a fact?
Lt.COLONEL MOODUS – I’m afraid it is Dad.
GENERAL DREEDLE – You think you’re pretty smart don’t you? Just because my daughter married you for God knows what bizarre reason…
Lt.COL KORN – All you have to do is be our pal.
COLONEL CATHCART – Say nice things about us.
Lt.COL KORN – Tell the folks at home what a good job we’re doing. Take our offer Yossarian.
COLONEL CATHCART – Either that or a court-martial for desertion.
Lt.MINDBINDER – You don’t make any sense. You’ve got a persecution complex.
YOSSARIAN – Damn right.
Lt.MINDBINDER – You admit it!
YOSSARIAN – I admit I’m being persecuted.. by them!
Lt.MINDBINDER – Who specifically is ‘them’?
YOSSARIAN – All of them! Who do you think?
Lt.MINDBINDER – I have no idea.
YOSSARIAN – Then how do you know thay aren’t?
CAPT. AARDVARK – That’s sheer.. what-do-you-call-it– Sophistry.
YOSSARIAN – Like hell it is. Those bastards are trying to kill me.
Lt.MINDBINDER – No one is trying to kill you sweetheart. Now eat your dessert like a good boy.
YOSSARIAN – Oh yeah, then why are they shooting at me Milo?
Lt.MINDBINDER – They’re shooting at everyone Yossarian
YOSSARIAN – And what difference does that make?
Lt.MINDBINDER – Look Yossarian, suppose, I mean just suppose, everyone thought the same way you do.
YOSSARIAN – Then I’d be a damned fool to thing anything different.
OLD MAN – You all crazy!
CAPT.NATLEY – Why are we crazy?
OLD MAN – Because you don’t know how to stay alive.. and that’s the secret of life.
CAPT.NATLEY – But we have a war to win.
OLD MAN – Italy will win it.
CAPT.NATLEY – America’s the strongest nation on earth. The American fighting man is the best trained, the equpped, the best fed..
OLD MAN – Italy on the other hand is one of the weakest nations on earth, and the Italian fighting man is hardly equipped at all. That’s why my country is doing so well, while yours is doing so poorly.
CAPT.NATLEY – That’s silly! First Italy was occupied by Germans and now by us. You call that doing well?
OLD MAN – Of course I do. The Germans are being driven out, and we are still here. In a few years you’ll be gone and we will still be here. Italy is a very poor, weak country, yet that is what makes us so strong. Strong enough to survive this war and still be in existence, lonh after your country has been destroyed.
CAPT.NATLEY – What are you talking about? America’s not going to be destroyed.
OLD MAN – Never?
CAPT.NATLEY – Well..
OLD MAN – Rome was destroyed. Greece was destroyed. Persia was destroyed. Spain was destroyed. All great countries are destroyed. Why not yours? How much longer do you think your country will last? Forever?
CAPT.NATLEY – Forever is a long time, I guess.
OLD MAN – Very long.
CAPT.NATLEY – Don’t you have any principals?
OLD MAN – Of course not!
CAPT.NATLEY – No morality?
OLD MAN – I’m a very moral man, and Italy is a very moral country. That is why we will certainly come out on top again, if we succeed in being defeated.
CAPT.NATLEY – You talk like a madman.
OLD MAN – But I live like a sane one. I was a facist when Mussolini was on top. Now that he has been deposed, I am anti-facist. When the Germans were here, I was fanatically pro-German. Now I’m fanatically pro-American,. You’ll find no more loyal partisan in all of Italy than myself.
CAPT.NATLEY – You’re a shameful opportunist! What you don’t understand is that it’s better to die on your feet, than to live on your knees.
OLD MAN – You have it backwards – It’s better to live on your feet, than to die on your knees. I know.
CAPT.NATLEY – How do you know?
OLD MAN – Because I am 107 years old. How old are you?
CAPT.NATLEY – I’ll be 20 in January.
OLD MAN – If you live.
DANBY – Yossarian!
YOSSARIAN – I can do it, Danby!
TAPPMAN – They’ll catch you! They’ll bring you back!
YOSSARIAN – I can do it!
DANBY – This is insane!
YOSSARIAN – I can do it!
TAPPMAN – What about your clothes?
YOSSARIAN – They’ll never recognize me without my uniform!
DANBY – You’ll be on the run with no friends! You’ll live in constant danger of betrayal!
YOSSARIAN – I live that way now.
DANBY – Yossarian, for God’s sake, hurry up!